Incomplete

(I posted this on my 365 project, but I wanted to share it here.  And I swear, I'm going to post more.  Things have been hellish lately.)



When I saw the theme for the week, I instantly thought of one person to take a picture of. Problem - that person is who knows where in a submarine. That person is my hero in more ways than I can share in the space this box gives. He made a choice 14 years ago come January to join the Navy. It was not a smooth ride at first, but he settled in his current job. He loves his job, stress and all.

I've been wearing this necklace almost nine years. It was a gift from him our first Christmas, shortly before our first patrol together. Over the years, he has jokingly called it my fidget device. I've rubbed the silver coating off of the front. His dog tags are on the necklace as well. And the dolphins are a pin that have made their appearance before in my project.

My husband helps keep me, our family, everyone safe. In trade for that service, he sacrifices time with his loved ones. Misses first steps, birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. It can be hell some days. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I have my loving husband, who has given me the world in our daughter.

And you know one of the best parts? Those videos of homecomings you see on T.V.? The ones with the over flowing waterfall of emotion pouring out of the loved ones? I've seen it. I've felt it. I've been there. Waiting on pins and needles on a pier watching for the sailor with red hair. Then getting that hug and kiss. Seeing the look on our daughter's face - The "Where the hell have you been?" one. And just wanting to keep touching his hand or his shoulder to make sure you aren't dreaming. When incomplete, becomes complete again.

And hearing him say my name. He always chuckles softly when that's one of my first requests.

If you've made it through this, thank you. I'll admit I've been crying during half of it, so I don't know if it makes much sense. This just felt like one of those pictures and captions that had to be done.
 

Catch all - Catch Up

So, I've been horrible about keeping this up lately.  I seem to do fine with my written journal, but this blog, not so much.  I need to find a focus I think.  Maybe put together some Theme days or something.  We'll see.  I know it'll probably be artsie or something dealing with my little one.  Or both.  Enough with that rambling, how about some catching up!

Who I am #7: Me

GAH! Selfie alert! I HATE pictures of myself. I'm much more comfortable hiding behind the camera. *insert lots of self conscious issues from high school here*

So this is me. Glasses wearing, brown hair, brown eyed me. (I could not get all of my hair in a self portrait...it goes down to my waist. lol)

Thank you everyone that's followed this little series and commented along the way! It's been awesome to get the feedback. This series was inspired by the song "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars. Specifically this verse:

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

In the video, the lead singer is faced with his double. They are singing this verse back and forth. It's always just stuck with me, and later spawned this series idea.

One thing I have learned over the years is that I am many things. I can't sacrifice one part or focus too much on another. It's a magical balancing act that I'm still trying to master.

Thank you again everyone!

Who I am #6: Louisiana Girl

I was born and raised in Louisiana. Hell, I had never left the Southern US until my high school years. I love the South. I feel very at home here. I feel so out of place in big cities. Too fast and too many crowds. Give me the calm pace of the not so big cities in the South. And yes, I have an accent, though it tends to only come out badly when I'm tired or back home for a bit. I will be heading back home end of this year for a few months, so you all will get a taste of Louisiana. =)

Who I am #5: Oh Shiney!

My husband likes to joke that I suffered from "Hyper Active Oh Shiney Disorder." Aka - I'm majorly easily distracted. This joke goes back YEARS to our early roleplay days, where my character would get distracted picking up every flower she saw. It earned me the nickname "Flower Girl." hehe. This picture was not planned to work for my love of flowers and my shiney side, but then I saw the new textures in picnik. The rest was history.

I totally adore flowers. It goes back to when I was little with my Great grandfather and my grandmother. Both LOVED their gardens. They also both tolerated me picking every flower in sight. I miss them both, but flowers definitely keep them in my hearts.

Who I am #4: Roleplayer

I first found roleplaying at the age of 16, when I started playing Everquest. It was an outlet for my creative writing. I fell in love. At the time, I developed a character named Leiella. (You'll hear more about her on another day.) The character I've done the most work with is Lolanae. She is a wood elf rogue. The picture for today is of a dagger and a key. Two things very key to almost any of Lolanae's stories. I tried a new idea with the lighting, seeing as rogues are usually hiding in the shadows.

I love writing stories. It goes back to part of what I talked about yesterday. I love getting lost in my head in these worlds of imagination and fantasy. It's definitely my fun, wind down time at the end of the day.

I'm grateful that I got into roleplay and online gaming. I have friends (and a husband!) from there and bonds formed that have lasted years past when we still played the games. Some of these friends I've never met in person (though I hope to one day), but that doesn't matter to us.

Who I am #3: Artsie Fartsie

When we first started dating, my husband jokingly called me Artsie Fartsie. It's sort of stuck over the years. I'm definitely the more artsie one of the relationship. (We are actually complete opposites if you look at the MTBI personality tests. hehe) He is way more science and math, where I'm happy in my colorful rainbow bubble with my camera, writing, and colors.

I'm grateful for artsie farstie outlets of creativity. =)

Who I am #2: Submariner's Wife

I've been married for almost eight years. When I met my husband, I had never really known anyone in the military. I had grew up next to one of the largest Air Force bases, but that's about it. I still remember to this day, he sat me down and laid out all of the facts of how his schedules work. It can be emotionally taxing at times, especially now that we have a daughter. For all the time away (with little to no communication), to the long, wonky hours, to the times he is home, it's all worth it. I share him with the sea, but I don't mind. A little salt water makes him happy and makes him who he is. I wouldn't change that for the world. I'm so grateful that I have him in my life.

The picture is of my wive's dolphins. They are a miniature version of his submarine qualification pin. Dolphins are the symbol of the submarine fleet.

Who I am?

I've had this idea in my head for a bit. It's actually thanks to a line from one of my favorite songs by 30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill.

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

I'm doing this as part of my 365project. It's taking a little thinking outside of the box. It will also take some nerves, courage and planning since I plan to atleast end it with a self-portrait. I started today with this picture:



This was the description:

My main "job" for the last 3 and 1/2 years has been a stay at home mama. I love it, even though my boss is prone to tantrums, hilarity, and sudden work schedule changes. For all the sleepless nights, she is totally worth it. The two am smiles after I've solved whatever crisis make the lack of sleep tolerable. I wouldn't change it for the world, no matter how frustrated I might get some days.

The star was her idea. She then sang me 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" while I took the picture. The letters are from her toys, except the M is from my scrapbooking stuff.

So this should be a fun little challenge. =)

It does get better

Today I was reminded of an old blog post of mine about bullying. What reminded me was this video:



Such a powerful song and video. It conveys a message that I do hold dear to my heart. One that you should not judge or shame someone for who they choose to love or be. I understand that the world will never be perfect, and that Utopia is nothing but a pipe dream. However, if we were all cookie cutter versions of each other, the world would be bloody boring. Humans thrive of being different. If it's one thing I've learned over the years, thanks to my online gaming actually, is that there are MANY different types of people in this world.

I do know that life does get better. It is not the instant you graduate high school, but it will get better. Hell, at 28, I'm still figuring out me. I don't think there is a set age to find yourself. One thing I have learned is that you have to be true to yourself. It's hard shrugging off listening to what everyone thinks, but for your own happiness, you have to.

Acceptance and tolerance are such huge things I wish people would have more of. I've even covered it in my 365project. I know part of the strong feelings I have on this topic is because of my personality. I also know that changing the attitudes of the kids/teens today won't happen until we change the attitude of the adults. I can only hope that maybe my generation will see what is happening to teens now and raise our children to be more accepting. A girl can dream, right?

Some of the pics I've done:

Photography adventure - 4 months in

So I still haven't braved manual. I have stuff to read up on, but for some reason I haven't braved it. Yes, I know. Man up and do it. I will say I've been venturing outside my comfort areas lately, so that's a start, right? I've also been playing with some creative edits and having fun. Maybe manual can be my adventure for while Ryan's home, so when I get frustrated he can re-focus me. hehe Even with sticking in my cameras pre-set modes, I've managed to do a lot of fun little things.

Well, let's start at Day 1 of my 365project for reference:



Go figure...I buy a spiffy new camera and...it's gloomy and rainy for a week afterwards!

This was the first photo that seemed to get a load of attention. I was rather proud of it, and it definitely was nice to get feedback.



This is the topped ranked photo of mine on my project. I definitely think the meaning I attached to it of leaving your mark on the people you meet helped it's popularity. I've also found a niche for using my camera to help portray a cause of acceptance.



I have an insane love for macro shots...



One of my recent favs. Straight out of the camera. Loved how it came out.



And lately I've gone outside my box a bit. Still hugging the wall, but it's progress.







The two rainbow ones are straight out of the camera. The one of Alison is playing with some edits.

I'm still having fun. I do like finding new things to photograph, and I've learned that what I think looks cool won't always be what is popular, cool, or "right." It's definitely a project and adventure for "me." Sometimes I do still need to remind myself of that though.

Gone Rifting

So I was a bad girl, and I did not write yesterday. In my defense, I felt like crapola! So I did not do much outside sit in my computer chair and play RIFT. It's the new game I've been playing. I picked it up after a much needed break from Everquest 2. Go go drama! (Long story, but I did need a break. Glad I took it.)

RIFT has been a fun little game to play. Some what laid back. No guild drama. Rar! And it's also perfect from my ADD oh shiney disorder! The game will randomly spawn "rifts", which are tears into the game world from the planar worlds - Death, Life, Air, Earth, Water, Fire. Each zone tends to have their "elements".

I will say out of all the games I have played, RIFT has had the smoothest launch ever. Trion Worlds has had a few bumps along the road, though. The first major event, River of Souls, was not without it's hiccups at the end. Trion did take the heat, and has said they learned. On the 22nd of this month, patch 1.3 will bring the next big event, so we'll see.

It's nice to have a game where I don't need to race to max level to experience life in the game world. At the moment my "main" is 36. (Or 37, I can't remember.) So far that's just been soloing (with minimal duoing with the husband-unit). I still have not seen the inside of an instance. (Blame the kiddo on that lol, though with the LFG finder, I hope to fix that.) I've also only barely tried the PVP, but PVP is not really my thing. Give me a patrol, once all my crafters are maxed, and I'm bored - then I'll try PVP probably.

Overall, I'm really impressed with RIFT. From the betas, to the release, to the Collector's Edition release (OMG - best CE ever. Totally worth the cost. I love my blue glowy flash drive!), and to the events. And I know, shocker, the flower girl in me totally loves the life RIFTS best. Can you blame me?



A few other shots:



What a zone event can look like...All those purple things are bad guys.



And RAINBOW!




Here are the rest of my screenshots. I will try to keep the album up to date. If you have any questions, let me know! I play on the Faeblight server - typically Defiant side at the moment.

Direction?

I got this link from a fellow poster on a parenting forum I frequent. I think I will try to do this here on the blog, and save the journaling challenge for my notebooks/journals. I might not do the list in order, but it'll be nice to have a bank of ideas to pull from! Not to mention it could touch on some interesting subjects/topics. We'll see how it goes.

Today I've been a rather crank-tastic mama. I blame the "Let's cry at the drop of a hat" three year old, whom I think is still catching up on sleep from her two week cold/cough stuff. Not to mention my creative juice for my 365 project seems to have been zapped, which is sort of being fueled by comments going down. Though apparently being cranky prompted two neat photos:





Those were done with a CD bottom side up, a LED light, and some water droplets on the second one. Both straight out of the camera, save a small crop on the first one. I guess my brain works odd ways when emotional. (Or I'm just like some super heros and my emotions fuel my "power" LOL)

Probably not much more writing for tonight unless I can't sleep. I'm still cranky, feeling like shiat, and rather emotional. Plans for tonight will probably include continuing to listen to 30STM, going to watch Game of Thrones, playing RIFT, or some of all of the above.

Curveballs

I planned to start catching up with blogging in June. A trip back from Phoenix with a sick toddler derailed my creative juices to say the least. Needless to say I have gotten nothing done for the 30 day journal challenge that I wanted to do. Hopefully I can pick it up soon.

I'm still working on my 365 project. We did an A to Z section that was really fun! Right now I'm focusing on gratitude shots. I want to get a chance to read the photo books I picked up during vacation. I still haven't practiced much in manual. (Yes, I know, bad girl!) That being said, people seem to like some of my photos, so that's awesome. I also finally caved and opened a flickr account. (Which I need to catch up as well.) Did I mention the darling toddler gave me her cold, and she is also still coughing? Yeah...I think I'm running away to the movies this weekend!

So to start off my renewing of the blog - I did a little redecorating. I'll play around with the links/widgets/silly stuff over the next few days. I do need to find a kind of "direction." Could always go with the geeky, gamer, navy wife mama that likes to ramble? There is a niche for that, right? hehe

I could get lost at the beach

So this week, I went to the beach for the first time since marrying a sailor. (Well, for the first time without him with me.) We went to go watch for his submarine to come in from sea. I could so get lost just looking out at the water. It was a very surreal experience, and one I could see myself getting hooked on. In a dream world, I'd love to have a house on the beach, where I could watch the waves each day. Wondering just where in the blue horizon he was. This notion made my husband giggle because 1) I can not swim and wouldn't want to go to far into the water. and 2) Because of my ear, I'm pretty sure I'd be a lovely sea sickness patient.

But you know what I came to realize is very true this week? I have a connection to the sea, the water and the waves. That salty water smell, the sound of the waves crashing, the slight dampness in the air. All of them remind me of my husband. I felt so at comfort and peace on that beach. Part of that was probably the fact I knew I'd see him in a short time, but the other was just that it felt right to be there.

Cleaning update again!

Master Cleaning List:


Kitchen:
- Scrub floors
- Clean counters
- Clean off top of fridge
- Clean inside of microwave
- Clean inside of fridge
- Empty water jug

Alison’s bathroom:
- Clean sink
- Clean tub
- Mop floor

Computer room:
- Vacuum
- Straighten up book shelves

Master Bedroom:
- Wash/put away laundry beside bed
- Go through closet for old clothes
- Clean/organize closet
- Wash bed clothes
- Vacuum

Master Bathroom:
- Mop floor
- Vacuum rugs

Living Room:
- Vacuum
- Sweep foyer
- Clean patio doors
- Get calendar up to date

Cleaning Update

Master Cleaning List:

Kitchen:
- Scrub floors
- Clean counters
- Clean off top of fridge
- Clean inside of microwave
- Clean inside of fridge
- Empty water jug

Alison’s bathroom:
- Clean mirror
- Clean sink
- Clean counter
- Clean tub
- Mop floor

Computer room:
- Straighten up desks
- Vacuum
- Straighten up book shelves

Master Bedroom:
- Wash/put away laundry beside bed
- Go through closet for old clothes
- Clean/organize closet
- Wash bed clothes
- Clean off/dust headboard
- Vacuum
- Clean off bookshelf

Master Bathroom:
- Clean counter
- Clean sink
- Clean tub
- Mop floor
- Vacuum rugs
- Organize under sink

Alison’s Bedroom:
- Vacuum
- Organize toys
- Go through toys to purge
- Go through closet for old clothes

Living Room:
- Organize toys
- Vacuum
- Sweep foyer
- Go through front closet
- Clean patio doors
- Get calendar up to date

Laundry area:
- Throw away old bottles
- Clean up lent stuff
- Wipe down dryer and washer

The Master Cleaning List

I have a goal during this patrol to deep clean the apartment. This is my master list of cleaning goals. I figure I'll update it each week on Friday. I would love to complete go through this list before Ryan gets home. We'll see if it happens!

Master Cleaning List:

Kitchen:
- Scrub floors
- Clean counters
- Clean off top of fridge
- Clean inside of microwave
- Clean inside of fridge
- Sort through boxes
- Empty water jug
- Mop floor

Alison’s bathroom:
- Clean mirror
- Clean skin
- Clean counter
- Clean tub
- Mop floor

Computer room:
- Pick up trash
- Organize toys
- Straighten up desks
- Vacuum
- Straighten up book shelves

Master Bedroom:
- Fold laundry on bed
- Wash/put away laundry beside bed
- Go through closet for old clothes
- Clean/organize closet
- Clean/organize drawers
- Wash bed clothes
- Clean off/dust headboard
- Vacuum
- Clean off bookshelf

Master Bathroom:
- Clean counter
- Clean sink
- Clean tub
- Mop floor
- Vacuum rugs
- Organize under sink

Alison’s Bedroom:
- Vacuum
- Organize toys
- Go through toys to purge
- Go through closet for old clothes

Living Room:
- Organize toys
- Clean top of entertainment center
- Dust/clean the tv
- Dust entertainment center shelves
- Vacuum
- Clean off couch
- Sweep foyer
- Go through front closet
- Go through hallway closet
- Go through linen closet
- Clean patio doors
- Get calendar up to date

Laundry area:
- Throw away old bottles
- Clean up lent stuff
- Wipe down dryer and washer

Artsie Farstie Mode: Activated

Today, my artsie fartsie side got a little boost. Talking with a friend, she asked me "Have you studied photography?" I'm like "Umm...high school." She goes on to tell me that's she's really enjoying seeing my 365 project.

*insert image of my artsie fartsie side doing a happy jig in my head*

Getting my new camera has done worlds for my soul. I'm not kidding. I need some kind of artsie outlet. As much as I'd love to scrapbook, lack of room prevents it. (Though, be damned, I'm going to find some way. I just might have to totally take over the kitchen. Time will tell.)

I also love hiding behind the camera. Ryan has always joked that I see the world differently. He calls it my "OH SHINEY!" disorder, meaning that I get easily distracted be quirky little things that catch my attention. I can just hear him now when he sees me take 15 minutes rearranging glittery heart stickers to get them JUST right. Or just snapping pictures of our daughter playing and hoping there is a really awesome shot.

I guess hiding behind the camera really lets me just watch. Be the quiet one in the background, observing the details of the world. Seeing something that might be overlooked by someone that didn't take that extra second. I find myself now thinking of different shots to try. I'm hoping by the end of patrol to atleast be practicing full time in manual.

Here are a few of the pictures I've taken lately:

Beautiful Imperfection



Love



Torn



I'm definitely having fun. It's neat dreaming up different ideas. Like I have a bag of rose petals in the fridge that is just calling to be some type of picture.

Seeing the world through my daughter's eyes

The past week or so, I've been trying to spend some extra quality time with my daughter. She's had a rough spell lately. It's been nice to watch the world through her eyes. She's such a vibrant little girl, and she manages to dream up these magical words.

We've been having fun little movie days, craft days, and walks when the weather is nice. Sometimes she reminds me of the silvertongues in Inkheart. (I've only seen the movie, though.) People that can tell you a story, and it comes to life. I love listening to her describe things she sees.

For as stressful and painful as it is during deployments, I definitely do treasure this time with her. We miss him a ton, but we're making it through. I'm definitely trying to look on the bright side of things and just make the best.

365 Project

Yes, I restarted this. With my new camera, I've been having loads of fun. It's been neat playing with a new camera and learning all the settings.

You can follow along with my project here:


And yes, I definitely hope to be more alive on the blogging front.